2/18/2009

"Success is the result of good judgment, good judgment is a result of experience, experience is often the result of bad judgment." ~ Tony Robbins
Hmmmm...so if success is the result of good judgment, and good judgment is a result of experience and experience is often the result of bad judgment, then...
Where do we start?!!? Well, failing, of course! :)
We need to quit taking ourselves so seriously and get on it! Emerson tells us that all life is an experiment anyway, so what're we worried about?!?

What am I so worried about. What is the worst that could happen?

Someone asked me this today, and then I open up an email and am asked it again.

I have been having an easier time doing this in my business than in my personal life.

I believe many people have some degree of fear of being vulnerable-of being hurt by being vulnerable.

I deal with it by staying busy. If I am busy doing, I have less mental space to worry about being hurt. I am also protected-or warded off a bit by giving so much energy to a task/job/hobby that there is little room for intimacy.

I have noticed I go through cycles of this in all of my relationships, and this awareness has helped me work on smoothing out the peaks and valleys-or at least trying to smooth out the peaks and valleys:)

It seems I have been having some big and symbolic opportunities to practice this - most recently with Squam Art Workshops 2008.

Rooming with my friend Denise - who being around feels like being tapped into a meditative trance-was dreamy and so enriching. Being around and with so many beautiful, loving, courageous, friends and artists was powerful and so intense.

And then my soul was shifted-lifted up and given wings by the beautiful Christine Mason Miller aka Swirly. I still feel nervous to write about it-nervous to try to define it. Why? Tonight I ask myself "what is the worst that could happen?"

When I am touched deeply and am connected to someone I become spooked. Not by the person. But that it was a fluke. And if I pay too much attention to it, or talk about it, or share it, maybe I will be told or discover that the other person didn't feel the same way. Or I will be made fun of. Or I will find a chink in the fence, that may take the feeling/insight away. I don't know where this comes from......

I was so moved by my experience at Squam that without even realizing it I jumped into being busy. I was too afraid that riding that opened up emotion/feelings would lead me to being disappointed?

I am so deeply grateful that the people nearest and dearest to my heart, seem to get this in some way. They haven't abandoned me even though I get close and then get busy and less connected.

The next step-is to step into the room of cats even though I feel I am as tender as a field mouse. That I keep standing where I am when I find myself getting closer to someone I love or that I feel that deep authentic self inside called to by someone I admire. To stand. Not jump forward (like I imagine I should) or jump back/into being consumed or busy with something (like I think I want to). But to stand still in that moment. In that space. And be ok with the discomfort. To ask myself.

What is the worst that could happen?

5 Comments:

Blogger Georgia said...

*hugs*

~G

2/18/2009 9:28 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

and more hugs. :)

j.

2/18/2009 9:53 PM  
Blogger Swirly said...

I think you, more than most people, know how well I relate to so much of what you said here. I love you.

2/20/2009 11:24 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I can releate deeply to your words here. Thank you so much for being so raw and so honest.

2/20/2009 7:00 PM  
Blogger kitasmom said...

yes

2/25/2009 8:07 PM  

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