The journey of an artist

The afternoon before last, I applied to trunkt.com (with some trepedation). I have arrived at a place where I am ready to put myself out there to the world that has yet to meet me and my work. Putting myself out there to you -my blog readers and friends has been much easier. LOL.

Yesterday morning I got a rejection letter from trunkt. It hurt. It made me question myself for a bit. I wanted to curl up and protect myself. Especially because they don't provide any feedback as to why. The good thing is that I reached out to friends because I knew I wanted to believe in myself and not go the retreated hurt place for very long.

I was a bit embarrassed to post about it. Maybe afraid that I would reveal I am not really good enough.

But my beautiful sister in law and my friend Susannah gave me some, loving, yet firm, reality checks. And my soul listened and I sat up and felt a strength rise in me, and acceptance that never used to be there, about who I am and what I have to share. Not all people will connect with my work. That is ok. It reminds me of a tough lesson I learned when I was a first year teacher and kept relearning every year. Not every student would like me or my teaching style, but many would. To learn to honor myself and others for being individuals with different needs and preferences.

So in some strange way this rejection makes me feel like I have arrived, to the life of an artist that feels good about her work. One that is learning to revel in the joy of creating, rather than worrying about who ISN'T moved the same way by my photographs or jewelry that I am.

I decided I needed to take some affirming actions so I bucked up and headed to a florist to buy some flowers to photograph with my new 100mm canon lens (wow steep learning curve-I will show some new pics soon). I decided to bring one of my moms old portfolios with my photographs and some jewelry to show the owner. They agreed to allow me to sell some jewelry there. The amazing thing is instead of being thrilled to be accepted by someone-I decided this wasn't the type of store I wanted to house my jewelry.

I came home and took pictures of some new pieces with my (blurry awful ones I might add:) new lens. It is challenging to say the least. Definitely need a tripod. LOL.

Copper toned buddha (sold)

Buddha

Follow your bliss

Halo of Happiness

Then I resubmitted my application to trunkt with just photos this time-thinking maybe the jewelry part is too competitive.

In the evening I met with a parental figure I haven't seen in a while. I gave them my new cards upon our greeting and then started to talk about this journey. I found myself saying that although I loved teaching and felt natural doing it-this feels more like an expression of me-my soul. That I am really ok about not trying to be the best photographer, or the best jewelry designer. Often I expect myself to be perfect/the best or I quit. That it is about expressing my heart and what I love. It is an expression not a goal to accomplish.

These loving eyes looked at me and repeated what I said-and I saw the beauty in it when it was spoken back to me.

When I got home there was a second rejection from trunkt. This time I just said in my head "oh well".

I closed that email to find that I had three orders. One from an artist I soooo admire, one from Tara Whitneys clients that just received her necklace and wants to get a gift for a friend, and one from a sweet patient understanding woman who was kind about something confusing.

I think I have arrived at the door to a beautiful journey of finding, loving and expressing me.

Namaste