10/06/2007

Tears

Yesterday was my due date. For those of you who came after the event-I am sorry I have cut and paste a lot of my archives, to make this a slightly more professional place;)
I lost a baby to anencephaly In March. We did genetic tests and know he was a boy. I have been doing pretty well-but today I just can't stop crying. There are so many good things going on for me and I am so grateful for them-and then their are some stressful ones too-luckily my husband and I are a pretty good team.
One of my good friends-who got pregnant a week after me gave birth to her daughter the night before last night. I am truly deep down happy for her and want to see the baby.
But today my insides feel shattered and broken. The sadness has enveloped me. I am going with it. Listening to the weepies (that made me smile) and just telling myself it is ok.
And then the tears really start to fall for all the parents who lost their babies even later than 13 weeks. Although I got to see him every week on ultrasound it still was only a few weeks to get used to the idea of him-to imagine what he would be like, look like. How similar would he be to his brother?
So I am trying to focus some of my energy on creative pursuits.Here are a few pieces I worked on yesterday.

This is a new ring setting combo I have recently ordered.

This picture of sepia roses I have named "honey" as it makes me think of Mary Olivers Poem:

Honey At The Table

It fills you with the softessence of vanished flowers, it becomesa trickle sharp as a hair that you followfrom the honey pot over the tableand out the door and over the ground,and all the while it thickens,grows deeper and wilder, edgedwith pine boughs and wet boulders,pawprints of bobcat and bear, untildeep in the forest youshuffle up some tree, you rip the bark,you float into and swallow the dripping combs,bits of the tree, crushed bees - - - a tastecomposed of everything lost, in which everything lost is found. Mary Oliver

These are two pictures I took last weekend when we went up to my husbands Grandfather's camp.

26 Comments:

Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

The first one is a ring-how cool is that? They cost a bit more to make as all the parts are sterling and pretty solid.

I am going to have so much fun with these:)

10/06/2007 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Frida said...

Lovely Thea, I hope the tears help release the pain. Crying is such a blessing some days, I'm so thankful we got that ability.

Your elephant image really moves me - I love it.

Thanks for your really encouraging comments on my photos - from a pro like you they mean a lot.

10/06/2007 10:15 AM  
Blogger Susannah said...

i'm thinking of you my love xxxoo

10/06/2007 10:22 AM  
Blogger dreamergirl said...

Dearest Thea, you´re in my thoughts xox

p.s. Loooove the new pieces! Specially ´honey´

10/06/2007 10:24 AM  
Blogger kelly said...

you take care of yourself. i am thinkging of you today and sending you a big big hug. it is good to embrace your emotions and let the ride.

i love all yoru new pieces.

10/06/2007 10:33 AM  
Blogger deirdre said...

I'm thinking of you today. It's good you're able to find nourishment for your soul in creativity - what a gift that is.

10/06/2007 11:29 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Thea, I am praying for you and your family today. I know how difficult this day must be. I am dreading mine. On another note; Your projects are looking amazing and I'm so happy you are able to direct your energy to something you love. We are all here to hold your hand ("virtually", of course).

10/06/2007 11:57 AM  
Blogger daisies said...

bawling over here and smiling at how you have directed your energy while still honoring what you feel ... am wrapping my arms around you!! and um .. i heart the ring, i am a ring girl, i love beautiful chunky rings and filled with your gorgeous art, wow ...

sending you all kinds of love, thinking of you ... warm hugs ...

10/06/2007 12:47 PM  
Anonymous acumamakiki said...

sending you love. xo

ps. panting a little with the beauty of these new pieces. was going to email actually, asking if you had any necklaces with a ring instead of a loop, i need a new keychain and want to use one of your beautiful charms. xo

10/06/2007 12:55 PM  
Blogger Vedrana M. said...

i'm sending you hugs! and your artwork is so beautiful! :)

10/06/2007 1:13 PM  
Anonymous kim said...

hugs to you. let the tears roll. unfortunately i've been in your shoes one too many times.

you do beautiful work, btw!

10/06/2007 2:22 PM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Sending you lots of warm love and hugs sweetie.

I have been thinking about you all week. I will be here all day, can I call you today?

The ring is AWESOME! I might have to order one of those... I might have to order one of EVERYTHING in your entire shop.

xoxxoxo

10/06/2007 2:45 PM  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

Cry sweet HONEY! , hugging YOU! with my heart!<3((((((Thea)))))

10/07/2007 3:10 PM  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

I love you, am thinking of you and wish that I could wrap my arms around you.

Your new pieces are beautiful...and I LOVE the ring idea.

xoxoxo

10/07/2007 3:35 PM  
Blogger Melba said...

It is best to let it out I believe.

My love and thoughts are with you.
XO,
Melba

10/07/2007 5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

((((((((thea))))))))))))))

it is ok hon - feel it... as i said to you - this really is another stage of grieving - another piece to it all - another piece that will bring you closure -
i'm here when you need me - xxoo g

10/07/2007 6:57 PM  
Blogger bee said...

i love you, thea. i'm sending you lots of hugs, if and when you need them.

the jewelry is beautiful...

10/07/2007 7:54 PM  
Blogger ::Bek Geach:: said...

I am thinking of you Thea.
Naturally the time around the due date of your little babe boy would be a difficult one.
You cry sweets.
Cry and release.
With love
Bx

10/08/2007 3:22 AM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Thinking of you Thea i remember how all that was for you then and my heart goes out to you.
Knowing how you feel from personal experience has me thinking of you and sending you huge hugs xx

10/08/2007 8:05 AM  
Anonymous lia said...

oh, these are such beautiful pieces indeed. I am in puddles about your loss of the baby. I cannot imagine what you are going through but you seem to have the spiritual strength to endure it, although I know it must still be so difficult. I know one thing, and that is that being creative has helped me with my grieving in so many ways (my father, my children leaving the nest)..I don't know what I would do if I couldn't channel that loss and love into my colors and images and art... Oh, my thoughts are with you dear one. big hug. xoxo.

10/08/2007 9:24 AM  
Blogger PixieDust said...

My heart is with you, and I'm hugging you with all my thoughts... redirecting your energy is an inspiring way to move forward, and you have created such beauty... again...

Amor & besos,
Love & kisses,
Me

10/08/2007 2:12 PM  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

i love you sweetie...thank you for sharing your grief with me...it is such a gift!

ps--GORGEOUS pics! wow!

10/08/2007 2:51 PM  
Blogger Schmoops said...

from someone who understands the loss of a pregnancy, know that i hear you and love you, am thinking of you and love your inspirational creativity that is continuously blooming. xoxo

10/08/2007 7:15 PM  
Blogger paris parfait said...

Thea, I am so sorry about your pain.

I haven't visited in a while and am in awe of how well your work is doing - just beautiful creations. Bravo! xo

10/09/2007 5:57 AM  
Anonymous lunarmusings said...

Oh Dear Heart... I am sending you much love and warm embraces...

10/11/2007 12:52 AM  
Blogger Mardougrrl said...

I am thinking of you, sweetie. Please be good to yourself. xoxo, M

10/12/2007 5:41 PM  

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