Photo of me by Denise Andrade

I was talking to a friend last week about blogging. How I wish I could connect with people through my blog, the way I do in person. When I started this blog it was a diary of sorts where I processed the grief of losing my mother and our path through infertility. Then it also became a place where I started to venture into my creative life.

There has been a shift of sorts in my life. Writing here through those struggles and receiving love and support really helped me tremendously. So much that I became ready to move past them. To let go of it. In it's place came things I haven't found as easy to blog about, because they are so different than what I blogged about before. But I am also having a hard time accepting that blogging for me was just for processing that grief.

I want to give back, I want to stay connected to this amazing online outlet of blogging. So I have been thinking about what it is that I want to share through blogging. I keep finding I am trying to squeeze it into what blogging has looked like for me up until now. It isn't working.

So I have decided to start by using this as a diary, and see how it turns out. I am forcing myself to let go of any preconceived notions of what this is supposed to look like.

Dear Diary-

This am I am faced with the question should I sit home today and edit the senior high school shoot-that I have to have the gallery up for by Sunday-and finish the slideshow for Squam that E needs tomorrow, and make T ( my 3 yr old watch movies) or do I get up shower and bring T to the mall 30 minutes away with my/his friend to the bounce house place and keep my fingers crossed he will nap later?

Just 2 days ago T decided he wasn't going to nap any more. That takes away my 2 hr free work time. This afternoon I have a shoot at 4:30. Sunday my goddaughter gets baptiized. Monday I have to set up a place in babies R us to take photos of kids in their costumes. I am freaking out because I still don't know how to use my flash properly and have never done a photo event like this-never mind indoors. When if ever will these nerves go away?

Well T is bouncing around asking repeatedly if he can go outside. Guess we are going to the bounce place.........


Blogger Sam said...

Blogging can be wonderful, but many times I find it very lonely. I love reading about all the ups and downs of life of the people who are brave enough to put it all out there. But other than a stray comment or two it is not a personal connection.

You have a beautiful blog, I am glad you are continuing. Me- well I haven't blogged in months. And I am surprisingly ok with that.

Have a wonderful weekend,

10/24/2008 10:09 AM  
Blogger Melba said...

I like the idea of a dear diary. Writing is very cathartic. As a mom I question all the time what should I do next because life with children is sooo unpredictable. I just TRY to take it as it comes and pretty much know that whatever plans I make might get changed.

I like hearing about how you balance it all. We are all learning from each other.

10/24/2008 11:15 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Sorry to hear about the end of naptime. You already know that I highly recommend a mandatory rest time every afternoon. Who knows, he could learn to love it too! It might take a couple of weeks for him to learn that it's all part of the daily routine, but it's worth the investment of effort.

10/24/2008 2:40 PM  
Anonymous stephanie schoyer said...

thanks for your heartfelt and honest post. i relate to your fears about shooting and getting the lighting right at the toy store. every time i shoot an event or a portrait session where the clients are not part of my tribe i feel like i want to throw up. everyone tells me my photos are fabulous but i keep waiting for a "real" photographer to come out from behind the bushes to call me out. it's like when i brought home my first baby from the hospital...i was terrified his "real" mother was going to come take him away, unable to accept the fact that i gave to birth to him, i created this amazing being and that he was all mine. silly. but true.
also, sorry about naptime. when he is a teenager and SLEEPS ALL DAY you will find it terribly ironic.

10/25/2008 7:58 AM  
Blogger Angela Marie said...

I can so relate to this post Thea. In every area... well, except the photo part.

I enjoy reading your blog.

10/25/2008 3:46 PM  

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