I am sitting at my kitchen table with tears dangling on the edge of my eyelids. To the point where they are clouding my vision they have risen so much, but haven't quite brimmed over.

I got home around 9 from a senior high school portrait session. It was beyond dreamy. Imagine 700 acres of land, a dairy farm, dusty roads, old barns, fields of clover the deepest emerald green, baby blue sky with wisps of clouds. Bunny rabbits, beautiful cows, a dog and a warm, down to earth, beautiful teenager.

I stayed there for 3.5 hrs instead of the normal 2. It was so fun.

But this isn't why I am teary. I drove home planning to pull an all niter to get caught up on a family session I had before Squam, and get through the first few stages of editing on today's photo session, so I could get back to editing Squam photos.

Instead I sat down and opened Bloglines. And I have read some posts from lovely souls I met at Squam. The emotion that comes through the photos I took, is beautiful, but I have only had little nuggets of time to work on them and am no where near finished. Reading post after post tonight just has me all melty inside.

Since I got back I have thought at least 15 times a day about writing a post, but I keep avoiding it. It feels like no words can do justice to the experience I had.

Every single person that I came across I felt a connection, I saw a sparkle in their eyes, felt the hugeness of their heart, and could feel their courage. I couldn't help but reach out and hug , hold hands and rub shoulders or knees. The energy swirling around was palpable and delightful. Each afternoon while Denise and I were walking through the beautiful woods, I found myself having a moment of complete and udder exhaustion from all the emotion. Luckily it would dissipate as quickly as it came.

Elizabeth blew me away with what she created. She is so sincere, beautiful, warm, delightful, rooted and wise. In my eyes she really is the Goddess of Squam.

I will continue to write about the experience and post photographs through the week.

I just had to post a bit as the emotions were swirling on top.

Thank you Christine for your wise post about re entering the world after a deeply moving retreat. It really helped me feel a bit more grounded. If you feel you could use some grounding you may want to check it out.



Anonymous melanie said...

i did not get to attend squam but i have found such a sense of joy reading all the stories of the experiences people had. what a wonderful gathering of hearts and souls.

thea, your pictures have been so lovely. you capture the beauty of each woman.


ps i also love the one called fairy white. :) yummy goodness.

9/21/2008 12:32 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I'm so glad that you have multiple blog posts with squam photos and are still having a hard time getting the experience all down in words...as you are not alone...

We have all tried our best to write and share, but unless you were there, I think it's impossible to let anyone really capture what we all lived and breathed while at SQUAM.

And you were there, everyday, adding a light with every step you took !!!!

I'm so glad I met you !!! and the photos you have of all of us....well, we can't wait to see them. But being with your family comes first, so take your time, as we aren't going anywhere....we'll all be here waiting with patience and love.

9/21/2008 9:37 AM  
Blogger kristen said...

i struggled to write my one and only post so far about squam and it hardly captures what i wanted to say.

which is why i still have 100's of photos and words to release but find myself unable to say it. sigh.

instead i sit here and get lost in the woods of NH, talking to my neighbor's parents who live in Holderness of all places, trying to remain in a place that felt so much like home that i want to transport my family and home to that.

love you. xo

9/21/2008 10:27 AM  
Blogger kitasmom said...

thank you for being there...for all the photos you took (so we KNOW it was real!) and for the hard work you're putting in to post them, emotionally & time-wise...dancing fireflies to you...Linda

9/21/2008 8:35 PM  
Blogger the camp said...

dear miss thea...thanks for your kind words. hugs are the best - aren't they. i so appreciate all your support and kindness.
it keeps me going.

loving all your images.


9/21/2008 9:25 PM  
Blogger Susan Tuttle said...

I love your energy!!! You radiate warmth, loving kindness, passion for life, and pure fun! You are a very talented photographer!

I look forward to seeing more of your incredible photos from Squam.

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes!


9/21/2008 11:08 PM  
Anonymous misty said...

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter. " ~ James Earl Jones.

it is a wonderful kind of exhaustion, isn't it?! After my very first retreat a few years ago it took me months to feel sorta back to myself, even though i never could go back to the person i was before i went....forever changed and it just keeps getting better. ;-)
have a beautiful day thea, much love. xoxo

9/22/2008 8:12 AM  
Blogger christine said...

You keep saying you're no writer, but you express yourself so beautifully. And the photos you take are such a wonderful gift!

I'm so glad my words were able to help at least a little bit. xoxo

9/22/2008 11:30 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

It has been tough for me to ground myself. I am not sure how to pull it all together here. How to carve out time to create....and how to manage it all.

Thank you for your beautiful photographs and for the kind hugs you gave me while at SQUAM. I could really use one of those hugs right now.

9/24/2008 10:39 PM  
Blogger jenica said...

missing you
loving you

i so appreciate all the work you're doing on these amazing photos. take your time sweetie.


9/28/2008 10:14 PM  

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