11/05/2009

November is here, and like each year since my mother passed (7years ago this past March) as her birthday approaches (nov 21) and the days get shorter, I feel sadness rising inside like smoke from a smothered fire.

It amazes me that the sadness and ache can be so strong.

My closest friend from childhood, called this week to tell me that her mother just told her they found a white spot on her chest xray. I feel all tumbly inside. can't even make sense of the feelings.

Some resentment comes up for me too, towards myself, about how much I took for granted my mothers motherly, unconditional love. Although limited in some ways by her personality- her interest in me, interest on a level that only a mother could have for her child was such a gift. What a treasure, a mother's love. The knowing that someone loves you more than anything, and wants what is best for you more than anyone. It feels so petty and selfish to want such things, but I do.

I am so missing her...

10 Comments:

Blogger daisies said...

oh honey, i am sending you much love and hugs!! the missing is so hard, yes it is ... xo

11/05/2009 11:50 AM  
Blogger kristen said...

this is a stunning photo of you and your boy-o and yes, the missing ache...it never goes away and it hits so strong when we least expect it. sending you love. xo

11/05/2009 1:17 PM  
Blogger bluepoppy said...

I hear you-- I am so sad and wish that I could ease your pain. Know this: Trey has THE most incredible, loving mother in the world and so your mother's motherly love is alive and well and pouring through you into him.

bisous, E

11/05/2009 3:50 PM  
Blogger Michelle Shopped said...

my grandmother died when my mother was 7 and she's never gotten over it...i dread the loss of my parents, but do you find that there will be certain reminders of your mom that still live in your life? it's like you can still feel her there even though you can't see her? i don't believe the pain of necessary losses ever goes away, but perhaps it dulls?
xo

11/06/2009 9:51 AM  
Blogger Swirly said...

Sending you a hug.

11/06/2009 11:19 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Lots of love to you today...
and what a blessed little boy to have his loving, beautiful mother behind him...
XO

11/06/2009 2:20 PM  
Anonymous pixie said...

big squeeze, lovely.

11/13/2009 11:46 AM  
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11/19/2009 7:49 AM  
Blogger jenica said...

i love you girl.
this made me weep.
carrying you in my heart today.
and everytime i wear your pendant i think of you and send some love your way. i feel so fortunate to have such lovely and amazing friends.
there's no time limit on grief.
xoxo

11/19/2009 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Foto Clipping said...

wow! so lovely family picture!

Fotoclipping,ClippingImages

2/10/2012 10:45 PM  

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