****there are links here but for some reason they are set to be the same color as my font-so if you want to get the link you have to pass your cursor over to find it-sorry, I will fix it soon******

I have such bloglines pile up guilt, that when I have 5 minutes for the computer, all I can tolerate, is to lurk somewhere new. Pathetic I know. Anyway, I have visited this new blog a few times, and this chick cracks me up. I have fallen head over heels for her writing and sense of humor.

Writing that I am overwhelmed by the number of blogs on my bloglines, made me feel silly-I am off to tackle my blogline. I just can't muster getting up at 5 am to get some quiet time to read blogs and drink coffee the past few weeks, so my blog reading time has been cut short.

I have decided I will keep a word document open while I read, so I can paste links and quotes to it and erase the guilt I have when I forget who said something or am too lazy to go find the link. I am going to use the excuse that my new 2-3 times a week exercise program and short days are the reason for all this laziness:)

I can’t believe it took me so long, but I just visited Just be Brave for the first time. What a great idea this site is. I love all the links and the interviews are cool too. This quote from an interview with Gail Rhyno was exactly what I needed to read tonight

Question: How do you maintain balance?
Answer: “I'm not sure I look for balance. My biggest hurtle was accepting my different roles and what they each demanded and then finding time for my creative one. When I was home with my two small children and I realized that I wanted to make a job out of creativity (I was a Youth Worker prior), it was very hard to accept that I couldn't be artisan first. I was mom first. When there was time at the end of a day, for me to be creative, I was often too tired. As a result I would resent having had to be mom all day. It was a useless internal battle that I had to end. Once I accepted that mom would always be my first role then I could look for other times to be creative and use that time to the fullest. I couldn't let my roles compete, but rather work together. As my children get older, time shifts. So my creativity grows alongside my family.”

I have been swinging on a pendulum of sorts trying to find balance myself. I think the swing has slowed a bit. I have embraced being mom first as well, and this gives a perfect reference point for me. Now I am working with the time I do have. Balance there is also coming as I give photography priority. I was a bit nervous about this and my emotions were all over the place. Spending so much time mastering resin (which let me tell you folks was super duper hard for me) and marketing, packaging etc my jewelry left me feeling pretty confident in my product. Which was fabulous. I am still going to make some jewelry – maybe one week a month-and let that evolve organically into whatever it is meant to be. In the meanwhile my photography was just squeezed in here or there. To switch my focus from something I am really confident about to something that I am not (I haven’t settled into my groove with photography) has been an opportunity for my “gremlins” to thrive. But luckily I took a few steps back, to see that this true heart expanding passion I have deserves attention. Who cares if I am great, or recognized (ok I still care a little), what really matters is that I love it. I am a bit shy to admit, that I often find myself crying tears of joy when I upload pictures from a fun shoot. The combination of looking at the image and the memory of taking the photo, soaking in the beauty, dancing to my favorite music, or soaking in the warm sun and the colors, oh the colors. As I work through the stream of images, songs or poems come to mind as the photograph starts to speak to me. It brings my heart contentment and joy. This is what I am after. This is the best reward.

So I am feeling more grounded. More sure of the path I am on.

When I went to Penelope Dullaghans blog, all this was affirmed when I read a great post she wrote about some of her work and thoughts on doing shows.

“….and also, I’m very afraid people who attend the Nahcotta show will say these suck and wonder how I could do such hideous art. I’m trying to let that go because it’s not about that. But still, that thought is there.)….I guess what it boils down to is doing art for myself. Letting it be an expression of “me” and not just what people expect all the time. These feel really good to make. And that’s what matters. Right?”

Tonight I put my show up in the second coffee house. I didn’t sell anything at the first show. I got three calls but nothing has finalized, and so many doubts and questions have been stirring in my mind. But the essence of Penelope's post and my own ruminations, lead me to stay focused on that it feels really good to take photos, and that's what matters.

A sweet, sweet, friend sent me an email with a prayer. I have changed a few details but the main beauty of it is here:

Make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.

Saint Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Namaste