7/14/2008

As the sun reaches out....

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful
than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again
out of the blackness,
every morning,

on the other side of the world,
like a red flower
streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough

for the pleasure
that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

Part of Mary Olivers beautiful poem The Sun


There has been a stirring in my heart as I see a style emerge in my portrait photography. I have longed to recognize my artistic voice, in my photographs since I started photography a couple years ago. It felt like I was all over the place, exploring different cameras, photography techniques and Photoshop processing styles. I love and continue to feel moved by the images I created, but always got stuck on the question "who is your target audience?". What????? Recently I reached out to a handful of people I admire and asked for some help. One of them asked me this question and I found that after the initial moment of panic and silent exclamation: "oh shit, this question again?" I actually found that I had an answer.

Even though I have been craving it for a long while I find I am now a bit nervous about embracing it. I mean if I embrace my style, I won't be able to try to please everyone will I? I won't please everyone. It took me a year or so to realize as a teacher that not every student was going to love my teaching style. Then I embraced it, and worked at being as organized and informed as possible so that I was a good teacher to all and a moving/memorable one to some.
In photography this means continuing to hone my skill. To build and feed the foundation so that i can be sure what i produce is not chance but my style.

Sometimes I call my friends or sil and ask for feedback. Inside I have felt like a child in need of a pat on the head. Some encouragement, some excitement to be shown back to me. To tell me whether I am headed down the right path.

Now the more I am allowing my inner eye to guide me, the more I actually FEEL when looking at my photos. It is the strangest and most beautiful gifts. It is not every picture, sometimes one in 1,000 (like this one above) that when I look at it a happiness and joy fills my heart. I start to get that chills feeling you get when listening to a singer that blows you away, and it spreads and dances in my chest.

I had a beautiful thing happen-recently-when I asked a person what they thought of some of my recent photos and I could tell that they just don't speak to her the way they do me. At first my I noticed doubt picking at me. But it never really found a scab worth peeling. What I did find was my self. Albeit a wobbly knee, just born calf, aspect of myself, but it feels like more than enough.

This week my son was completely and utterly in heaven being with his cousins-especially this lovely sunny girl above. I noticed that he was all smiles and giggles and happiness when she was too. When she was in a slightly different place I saw him sometimes patiently wait for her mood to change, and a few times he seemed upset by it. I really can relate. The best place to be it seems is in your own joyful happiness open to anyone to come join you but not getting upset if they don't.

So I sit here with tear filled eyes, doing a dance in my chair as I embrace that I am starting to find I do in fact have a style emerging that speaks to my joyful self.

my style of photographs will often include:
the sun
soft and dreamy qualities
eyes
sun flare
yellows, blues and greens often with a splash of pink
images with both high contrast and blurry softness

Hmmmm these words do this absolutely no justice. This is so HUGE in so many aspects-way beyond photography...........

3 Comments:

Blogger mccabe said...

i love to watch you grow.
you are beauty in the biggest way.

xoxo
mccabe

7/14/2008 12:26 AM  
Blogger Samosas for One said...

Awesome! Congrats on finally finding your style and being comfortable enough to see your brilliance and beauty.

7/14/2008 1:04 AM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

mmmm...i am so very overjoyed for you, my dear friend.

you are finding your true voice and it is beautiful to witness.

this photo is breath taking...just like you.

love you.

7/14/2008 4:07 AM  

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