I got in for an ultrasound this am.

The baby's heartrate has dropped. The sac looks even smaller. Disaster. Not good. Doomed.

It sucks and I am feeling pretty sorry for myself in some ways and just keep trying to think of the good stuff. Not because I shouldn't allow the sad feelings, but because I find my anger and frustration is starting to manifest in me wanting to yell at slow drivers and saying "for fucks sake" WAY too often.

So I decided I would come here and try to write down a few things that I should be happy about.

~The sun is out
~I know all of you are sending me good energy and blessings
~I have amazing friends that take my son when I have to go to the Dr., entertain me and are always there, which helps a ton.
~I took down my second show last night, and I sold 5 framed photos and there is interest in 2 others, and I was contacted by a woman who is interested in a bulk order of larger pieces for her office.
~In the car this morning my son started laughing when I winked at him in the rear view mirror. Then he said I was funny and that daddy was funny. Thank goodness he didn't say "for fucks sake lady could you cheer up?"
~My son is napping and I can veg out on the couch.
~Some new tunes I bought off itunes. And hey I have been dancing. May not be able to muster it today but I will try.

I miss blog reading-just haven't gotten my brain back and can't seem to muster the energy.


Blogger kelly said...

theagirl...my heart aches for you. i am sending a big hug in your direction. keep dancing, i love to turn on ellen and dance in my studio. dancing is such sweet therapy.


2/25/2008 2:18 PM  
Blogger Susannah said...

i'm thinking of you, honey, and cuddling you so tight in my mind.... can you feel it? xoxo

2/25/2008 3:04 PM  
Blogger daisies said...

hugs and thoughts honey

2/25/2008 3:17 PM  
Blogger madelyn said...

Lots of cuddles from me sweetie ~
and your spirit is shining
here as always ~
I will carry you in my heart
and thoughts today.

2/25/2008 4:39 PM  
Blogger Deirdre said...

I'm thinking of you today. Your *happy* list is wonderful - every little bit of it.

2/25/2008 4:59 PM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Love you!
If you cannot dance today, I will do it for you... even though Georgia dancing is NOT a pretty sight... not at all.


2/25/2008 5:25 PM  
Blogger megg said...

sweetheart - I am thinking of you so much. I'd do anything to be there with you right now - know I love you.


2/25/2008 5:46 PM  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

how amazing the views of other people and especially little ones to those of ourselves...thinking of you...sending you cuddles on the couch...xx

2/26/2008 2:07 AM  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

oh sweetie,
i only wish i knew what to say...
sending you love and hugs.

2/26/2008 9:23 AM  
Blogger Frida said...

Your son is right - you are funny. when you wrote "Thank goodness he didn't say 'for fucks sake lady could you cheer up'" I nearly spit out my coffee.

I am sending the good energy and blessings and I'm saluting you for finding a little dark humour in these hard, hard days.


2/26/2008 4:29 PM  

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