Today started off a bit fast paced, as my husbands car is in teh shop and we had to get out of the house early. I went to my exercise class and that felt great.

Getting home, I realized today was the anniversary and decided that I would take some photos of the flowers I just bought as a way to be with my mom. She loved flowers and photographing them so it was a good way to remember and "be" with her. Then a distant friend called-I noticed she tried me yesterday twice, but I didn't get to talk with her. So I answered the phone and found out she was calling to tell me she is pregnant. Now I spoke to her for the first time in a while a few days ago, so she knew what I have been through lately. For her getting pregnant right now is not the best thing. I found myself trying to be nice and kind, while also feeling baffled as to why she would call me of all people. Today of all days. She said she isn't telling many people. Why did she choose to tell me?

The idea of having to try to be there for her just kicked the balance out from under me.

I found that my emotions were stirred beyond calming. I cried some. One of my close friends called and she listened to my tears and my confusion pour out. I am so grateful that I have so many close friends that do get me. That know what to say and when to say it. That they buoy me up without it being obvious.

Luckily the universe stepped in and my phone ran out of batteries after a few minutes, so I didn't have to be there for this "friend" that just doesn't get it.

Here are a few of my photos today, I guess my emotions are a bit evident here huh?


Blogger Terence Coughlin said...

She's a clueless idiot when it comes to appropriate timing in sharing her good pregnancy fortune - always has been, always will be. Some people have the ability to look outside themselves and consider the impact of their words on others before they say them, other do not. She is a card-carrying leader in the "do not" camp.

Before I go off and start really bashing her, let me just stop at this point and say I love you, and so do many many other people out there.

I miss my mom-in-law too. Remember her today in isolation, and try to ignore the tactless noise that is irrelevant.

3/11/2008 4:57 PM  
Blogger Susannah said...

i'm thinking of you today, my love.. anniversaries are so hard, i know, i really do xox

3/11/2008 5:43 PM  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

Oh Sweetie...coming over with giant orange/red/pink/yellow giant lolliepops...imagining the sun shining...we're swining high on big wooden swings...laughing into the sun...remembering our dreams...your mom...your little ones...xx
PS: (the lollies is sugar free!:-)

3/11/2008 6:02 PM  
Blogger Boho Girl said...

those flowers are so beautiful honey. she is so proud of you.

you've been heavy on my heart today and i am sending you so, so much love and comfort...looking forward to the day when i can do it in person, which is very soon.

i understand your conflicted feelings with your friend. i am going through something a bit similar.

just embrace the ones that do get it and will be careful and gentle with that heart of yours. there are so many of us out there...

i love you so much.
and am holding you close.


3/11/2008 6:43 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I have been thinking about you today. I'm glad you got to have special time together with your Mom today. She is holding your hand for sure.

3/11/2008 6:53 PM  
Blogger Deirdre said...

I'm so sorry to hear your emotions have been so battered today. Especially today. I'm glad you have good support from people who love you dearly - it helps balance out the other bit. You are in my heart today.

3/11/2008 7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well.... i don't know how to not say it with arrogance.... terry's description "clueless idiot" --- is so much nicer than what i'm thinking.... I'd hate to think she did it on purpose, but part of me thinks... and i may be wrong... but her life isn't exactly peachy...the saying misery enjoys company is striking me....and that's wrong...that's so wrong of her thea... it's obvious as to why your relationship has fizzled...who needs that? as it's been said, there are so many of us that do get YOU, that love you....keep surrounding yourself with only people, and things that bring you and your famiy happiness... and ....hmmmm...

well FUCK anyone who dares to upset that....

ok - once again the taurus flare...I'd love to give her a slap to the back of the head.... or a kick in the ass... :)

xxoo g

3/11/2008 8:18 PM  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

i'm holding you gently, my beautiful and talented friend.
these photos are lovely...such a wonderful way to honour your mother.

sending love and light,

3/11/2008 8:23 PM  
Blogger Georgia said...

Love you baby.

My thoughts were with you all day, so sorry that happened with your friend.

I LOVE those photo's... the second one down is my favorite. Simply elegant.


3/12/2008 12:37 AM  
Blogger daisies said...

beautiful flowers honey and a wonderful way to honor your mother ... am so sorry you had to go through that with your friend, so very sorry .. warm thoughts, xo

3/12/2008 12:33 PM  

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